Hmmm … toughie. I don’t know what I can say of this one without seeing it again, and I don’t know how long it will take me to see it a second time so I feel like I have to find at least something to say about it now, which is hard. All I can do is to respond to two of the main criticisms I’ve read in various places of the movie – that it’s not Donnie Darko (director Richard Kelly’s previous work), and that it’s pretty much nonsensical. To which I’d say: if you really like Darko (that is, if you thought the “director’s cut” was a cinematic crime that should by rights have prevented Kelly from ever getting behind a camera again; but that the theatrical cut is a masterpiece that gets better every time you see it), then I can’t understand why in the world you wouldn’t at least get something from these weird couple of hours. There are even some visual and thematic parallels to sink your teeth into, nevermind the fact that it is simply a similarly unique vision.

As to the nonsensical thing … actually, though I couldn’t possibly relate the story to you here without, like I said, seeing it again, I know deep down that it makes perfect sense. At the least it feels like it made sense to the person it came from, which to me is often all that matters. It’s a lot more consistent than some will have you believe; even than the title implies, there aren’t that many “tales” or storylines to keep tabs on here. There are some killer laughs and some killer moments. And I just get excited everytime I get unexpected Miranda Richardson these days lol I still haven’t implemented half hearts in the ratings here … it’s a very high three I’m giving it. If nothing else, it’s surely both Sarah Michelle Gellar and Dwayne Johnson’s most ambitious work … probably the most ambitious they’ll ever be given this project’s success … it’s very sad to see Johnson on the chat shows this week promoting The Game Plan and not this.

“Ohhhhhhhhh … Teddy!”

I’d originally intended to watch the three Stuart Gordon movies I have on Halloween in the order in which they were made. Instead, impatient I started with this one tonight, mistakenly thinking it was the first of the bunch. I was going to pretend I hadn’t made that error initially and post the reviews in the “right” order … but now I’ve watched all three, I think maybe it’s a good place to start afterall. I really liked this movie, but was ready to freely admit that it’s got its issues. Now that I’ve seen Re-Animator and From Beyond though? Don’t get me wrong, both of those have their moments too, particularly past their half-way marks. But this almost seems like a masterpiece by comparison now considering it came from the same film makers.

“They’re trying to figure out if you’re really an adult … or just a kid in disguise.”
“I’ve been trying to figure that out for years!”

This is such a different take on the horror genre, and I loved it every turn it took. It’s more in the vein of The Company of Wolves, Paperhouse and (I think?) Dreamchild (lol I really must watch it again soon, I keep making comparisons to it which could be totally off) than the Dolly Dearest or Child’s Play type thing I half-expected. Looking at those first three titles I realise, they all had that same low budget British visual sensibility to them; despite the number of British accents in this movie, it’s not British, not of the same school at all, but it does have the same feel that those movies had, in addition to the same tone (there’s a “wicked stepmother” character in it who very much put me in mind of Hellraiser, too).

The message – a really quite stunningly scathing version of Toy Story 2’s lessons, and in my opinion the reason why a lot of “grown-ups” won’t give this movie the time of day – really took me by surprise. I mean I guess I have to say, my response to this movie ultimately was a pretty personal thing – recently I’ve found myself more and more condensing my every disappointment in the world to one line, “I hate grown-ups,” and this movie couldn’t have put that sentiment better. There, I’ve said it. Seriously, I’m confident these dolls wouldn’t touch me, lol.

It also has a lot more humour in it than expected (“Yeh, but, are they anticues?” lol) Carrie Lorraine isn’t the greatest of actresses but she is adorably cute and delivers Eloise-like lines like, “What do you want from me? I’m 7 years old!” hilariously. She looks like Elijah Wood in a night dress and reminds me of the girl who played the younger Phoebe Cates in Drop Dead Fred.

Though, like the other two Gordon films, it never really gets that scary, there is something a little Birds-ish in the way it develops from this really kooky humour at the start, at which I was laughing right till the end, even as Judy’s father is turned into a replacement for the Punch doll he destroys. But it was somewhere during that scene in particular where I really started to think, wow, this is really wrong. Same thing with the toy soldiers which, out of all the toys, freaked me out the most, looking as they did like Camberwick Green type characters or something.

At barely 75 minutes it runs very much like the vignette-y short stories you’ll find on a lot of transformation-related websites – the mysterious old couple taking the lost family in on a stormy night, messing with their minds and bodies, and sending those who remain off just as the next batch arrive. It’s very cool to find a movie so like those stories, and I for one think there’s definitely room for more. I really can’t wait to watch it again, and at that length, one really needs no excuses.

“My name is Reggie. I was an ice-cream vendor by trade. Now … I’m a soldier.”

Don’t worry, I believe you’re allowed to laugh ;)

Much as I expected, I think ultimately this is my favourite of the series. The use of the old footage is almost beautiful. The moment at the end where Mikey appears to speak to himself across time and space feels like the kind of moment the whole series is working to find. How many movies can lay claim to such a moment, the same character played almost 20 years apart by the same actor, and meshing together so seamlessly as it does? I really think people underestimate the magnitude of this aspect of this movie. I only hope that a postBubba Ho-Tep Coscarelli can make “Phantasm V” even better. Listening to the commentaries, it seems there’s still more of the old footage to work into the story.

Incidentally, on those commentaries – I finally listened to them and they’re really nice, with A. Michael Baldwin, Reggie Bannister, Angus Scrimm and Coscarelli dropping in in different combos per movie. There’s not a great deal of new information in there, but you really get a sense of why these movies have always worked, like just how long they’ve known each other etc, “like family” as Scrimm says. And that “wrath of the Tall Man” credit mentioned below – appears at the end of all the movies, I think. I certainly spotted on II and III anyway.

November 14th, 2005:

Like the third movie, this movie manages to keep the same cast together, and adds to that a selection of footage that logically must have been shot for the original but it’s of scenes that would’ve had no place there. Their presence here is almost as bizarre as the whole time-space level this movie adds to the series. This one again is a little more juiced up but there’s a lot more tongue-in-cheek and you can kind of see the Don Coscarelli emerging that eventually made the fantastic Bubba Ho-Tep (I’d previously been kind of bewildered as to how he went from the original schlocky Phantasm to that relatively dreamy, poetic musing on old age).

I don’t know if there are similar things in the credits of the other films in the series, but I happened to notice here that the copyright notice at the end reads, “Unauthorized duplication, distribution or exhibition may result in civil liability, criminal prosecution and the wrath of The Tall Man.” lol The DVD doesn’t even have a trailer but it does have a commentary which, again, I’ve not yet listened to. Bring on Phantasm V!

“The funeral is about to begin! Sir …”

So many things I didn’t mention in the first short review. This is one of those movies that really puts me in mind of that old Poe “out of space and out of time” line. What some would consider some fairly shoddy editing making the most of what footage the film makers ended up with, I’m glad to say I still find a near-perfect representation of a dream become a nightmare.

I’m reminded of what I wrote of the last few Hellraiser sequels, that they seemed written and not rewritten, and I’m sure some people might feel the same about this, but for the most part I find, intended or not, it contributes more to a sense of unease than it does to an air of incompetence.

Like the best first installments in horror, this one merely sketches its world in poetic terms not really caring if the specifics line up (though, as we’ll see, I actually really grew to like how this series panned out – most likely ‘cos director Don Coscarelli kept a hold on it).

Overall, it’s even more clunky than Hellraiser was – I’m actually very excited to see the sequels again now because I’m not so convinced anymore that this is the best of the bunch – and on more than one occasion I had to think whether it was really worth the same 4 star rating. But it has great music, it has great moments (“Boy!” “I’ve been waiting!”) and if any movie feels like its film makers were free to do what they wanted, “boy!” is it this one.

November 14th, 2005:

In a word, this movie is just effing insane, lol, there’s really not a lot to say beyond that. I’d forgotten how insane the editing is. I think this movie comes closer than any at reproducing the nightmare, or even general dream, experience. Just telling the story feels like recounting a dream: ‘and he was about to get me, and then I was back at home and then his finger turned into a giant fly and we put it in the garbage disposal then I woke up and he was still there …’ lol. The DVD has a commentary (not listened to yet), deleted scenes, behind-the-scenes footage with commentary, and trailer, in the must-have sphere box I’ll maybe add more details about the commentary and the bonus disc in the set as I get to them.