“Scott, I seem to have wet my pants.”

What can be said about one of the new strain of generic Will Ferrell comedies? I truly thought that this would be the one where I broke and finally found him not only unfunny but intolerably lazy, but in the end it just works and I was laughing my head off just about every time I chose to dip in (that’s right, it’s the kind of movie that makes perfect background to just about anything).

Both Jon Heder and Will Ferrell do just about the exact thing they’ve done before but somehow they get away with it yet again. I thought Heder was surprisingly good in School for Scoundrels and his Napoleon Dynamite voice was perfect for his character in Surf’s Up too – here, for the first half-hour I found it a little niggling but ultimately it’s the visual humour that takes over – I think when Heder slides across a room belly down on ice is where I finally caved in and stopped looking for problems. But I do hope he does something a little different after this, if he’s even able.

The ending (which I won’t even begin to describe except it bears a resemblance to that ending to Grease I’ve always hated) actually almost places it instantaneously into my special cheesy faves collection – it’s certainly a possible destiny for the movie if I watch it again. For now, even hours after watching it I can’t really remember exactly why I was laughing so much and so frequently – it’s a very disposable movie – but I do know I liked it.

Again, we should really count ourselves lucky these sequels were made in the Seventies ‘cos the Eighties would’ve left us with genuine horrors. And again … why no girls? How can writer Bill Lancaster have stayed true to the spirit of the original film two times over yet missed completely one of its most unique and memorable components? I’m sure I’m not just being my cutie-obsessed self on this, lol – I really think they would’ve been 10 times the sequels they are with another Amanda Whurlitzer type in the mix to keep the boys in check. Anyway, this one’s even more forgettable than the first sequel, more an oddity being as it stars Tony Curtis than anything else.

I know, let’s make a sequel to The Bad News Bears, without Tatum, without Matthau … heck, let’s take out most of the baseball for good measure too! lol. Okay, cynical alert. And of course the major emptiness on the girl front is my primary reason for disliking this sequel. But overall, they’ve gotta be given kudos for having the balls to try exactly what I just described. The fact is, this movie just doesn’t work – it simply lacks the spark of the original – but it’s not through lack of trying, and more a case of pure rotten luck. The kids still ring unbelievably true; the father-son story is nothing compared to Tatum and Matthau but it is surprisingly touching in its own way; And, I’ve gotta say: for a sports movie, it’s still pretty shockingly stirring for me, certainly still among the most watchable of sports movies anyway. I think we should probably just be thankful they didn’t wait till the Eighties and video to make these.

It’s a massive credit to this film that I didn’t spend the first half hour itching, “where’s Tatum?!?” lol … sure, there was some of that, but really this is one of the best sports movies I’ve seen even without her. It has such a great, real, consistent feel to it, reminding me of the very few occasions when I was little where there’d be a great outdoor, hot summer day sports event I was in some way involved with that I actually enjoyed.

That’s not to say the screen doesn’t spark alight the moment O’Neal makes an appearance. They really missed a trick not casting Annasophia Robb in this role in the remake, I was instantly reminded of the quirky confidence of Robb in Winn-Dixie, Terabithia etc, (that crinkly nose, O’Neal writes about in her autobiography I’m reading right now how her dad told her every time she smiled she looked like she smelled something funny; what he should’ve added was that though that’s sort of true, it’s an adorable look :)) While I’m on the subject of cuties, it’s worth mentioning Jackie Earle Haley who was surprisingly quite beautiful way back when. Him and O’Neal make quite the onscreen couple without even interacting much at all, lol. I love the costumes on Tatum outside of the uniform too And that front and back shot of her walking away from Matthau in tears is an emotional high I never in a million years expected to find in this movie. It’s one of those scenes that actually means even more when you know something of the actor’s real life backstory – for her to put herself in a scene where a father figure slings beer in her face like that after her upbringing is really something. I know, stuff like that shouldn’t affect one’s judgment of a film … but sometimes, you just can’t help it.

It even made me want to check out the remake again – I think perhaps Richard Linklater was attempting something there I didn’t give him credit for ‘cos I hadn’t seen this yet … like simply showing how child protection^*, health & safety and political correctness laws have poisoned the world so much you just can’t make a movie like this anymore. Which makes this one all the more special.

* Just in case that sounds to anyone like I don’t care about child protection – that’s not what I mean, but if your eyes are open you’ll know what I do mean by the fact that some parts of that thought train have gone way off the tracks.

As a sports movie, this was obviously gonna be a hard sell for me – its sole achievement threatening to be that it makes Friday Night Lights seem even more pointless. But when I love a movie as much as I love Uptown Girls, I don’t let the subject matter get in the way of catching up on the director’s other work.

The complete lack of any conflict or drama in the movie’s first half hour doesn’t help. This is a movie about a mixed race school football team, and the set-up is that they put this team together and everyone is pretty much fine about it. Luckily there’s an “ah-ha” moment around 35-40 minutes, though, where they enter “the real world” and things get tough – but it’s Disney, so, not that tough.

It’s watchable. But knowing me I’m probably only being nice ‘cos Hayden Panettiere (who it took me a while to recognise but I got there eventually – I guess I just always figured she was older than she is in Heroes lol) is cleverly planted in just about every other scene – her football crazy daughter of one of the coaches is about as funky as the rock ballerina girls in Uptown Girls and a little of a lot of cuteness like that (especially when it’s unexpected as it was to me here) goes a long way in a movie like this, lol. I’m sorry but I laughed my ass off at the “nanana, hey hey hey, goodbye” ending That tops Shrek the 3rd’s use of “Live and Let Die” for most inappropriate funeral scene ever, lol.

Well I can’t believe I just teared up while a Classic Eighties Movie Slow Clap^TM was going on in the background

It somehow felt like it was finally time for me to watch this – a recent Channel 4 thing about the best family films brought it to the surface, and I’ve been noticing a lot of people on Facebook listing it as a fave – but within minutes I was questioning if that was a good idea. There’s an old me that would have been far from impressed with this movie for the exact same reason the me of now ultimately fell for it today. This is guilty of just about every cliché in the book of late-80s and early-90s cinema. It pulls every faux-pas that practically threatened to destroy the artform during that period. But, somehow, it works.

It didn’t make me laugh at loud much at all compared to some. But there’s just something else under it all – perhaps highlighted by the Dark Moment (let’s use the proper template terms here, it couldn’t be more by the book I swear) ... which is actually really dark, I mean for a movie that seems so silly and light from the outside that crash is nasty – it’s perhaps the fact that it does follow the old screenplay paradigms and wot-not so to the letter. I don’t know. All I know is, I wasn’t bored, I laughed a little, and I was embarrassingly moved by those final moments.