Throw The Innocents, Sixth Sense and Hook into a blender and you might come close to The Orphanage. It’s hard to describe it any other way and it’ll take at least another viewing for me to feel like I know what I’m even talking about while talking about it, except without any doubt to say that I found it just as good as people have been saying for the past year.

I think Mark Kermode said he counted 4 separate scares in the movie – I have to say only one really lifted me out of my seat and I’m pretty sure it must be the one he talked about that the stranger grabbed his arm over. For me, it’s the emotional content of it all that affected me most. There’s just a constant terror in the very atmosphere of the movie as a result of the mystery that builds around a young boy and his games, his imaginary friends and his mother’s attempts to understand. To even try to attempt a plot summary beyond that after a single viewing would be crazy – all I can say is, it’s beautiful. Sorry, review brain’s just not been up to the task lately, lol, you’ll just have to see for yourself.

Hmm, now, what was I saying about movies that look better than they actually are? At least I knew what to expect here, the reviews I’ve read have been pretty unanimous – in fact, in some cases, I’m sure they might even be identical to I’m Not There reviews … it looks gorgeous, and Cate Blanchett is magnificent, lol.

And mine might be so too. ‘Cos while the beautiful set and costume designs etc carried me easily through the first hour, I knew I might struggle as it entered its second half. But it’s right there, following the assassination attempt, that I found myself irresistibly drawn to the story. It’s also there of course that it begins to become the Pirates of the Caribbean-a-like Duran Duran music video that Mark Kermode so relished shouting about on Five Live earlier in the year. It was all that ranting, in fact, that made me quite excited about seeing it. It kinda reminded me of that insane last half hour of Hot Fuzz, really – like, if you’re gonna run to 2 hours, all the while promising a storm, you can do worse than delivering it in the last 30 minutes.

A movie like this really needs to deliver a surprise like that (unless it’s just good – just to acknowledge the exceptions :P) to hold me for 2 hours. It’s not enough to make a larger-budgeted, flatly-told, historically accurate TV drama. Yes, it’s a shame those TV things can’t have the costume and sets as here, but that doesn’t mean that once that budget’s available, one should simply do the “same but bigger”. The cinema demands much much more.

I’m glad to say, this gives exactly that in the end. Leave the accuracy to books and television. This gives us the glory and bombast that sparks the interest in the details, and in these ADD times I can’t think of anything more important in a period film. The final shot of her dress blowing about her over a map of Europe is just astonishing. Almost makes me want to pick up a history book.