As a sports movie, this was obviously gonna be a hard sell for me – its sole achievement threatening to be that it makes Friday Night Lights seem even more pointless. But when I love a movie as much as I love Uptown Girls, I don’t let the subject matter get in the way of catching up on the director’s other work.

The complete lack of any conflict or drama in the movie’s first half hour doesn’t help. This is a movie about a mixed race school football team, and the set-up is that they put this team together and everyone is pretty much fine about it. Luckily there’s an “ah-ha” moment around 35-40 minutes, though, where they enter “the real world” and things get tough – but it’s Disney, so, not that tough.

It’s watchable. But knowing me I’m probably only being nice ‘cos Hayden Panettiere (who it took me a while to recognise but I got there eventually – I guess I just always figured she was older than she is in Heroes lol) is cleverly planted in just about every other scene – her football crazy daughter of one of the coaches is about as funky as the rock ballerina girls in Uptown Girls and a little of a lot of cuteness like that (especially when it’s unexpected as it was to me here) goes a long way in a movie like this, lol. I’m sorry but I laughed my ass off at the “nanana, hey hey hey, goodbye” ending That tops Shrek the 3rd’s use of “Live and Let Die” for most inappropriate funeral scene ever, lol.

Move aside, Porky’s, lol. This deserves praise for doing pretty much exactly what it says on the tin, to a staggering degree, right from the opening credits. The uniforms, the lettering on the credits, the song, and then … skin … vast quantities of female flesh.

It’s porn cheese city, and there’s very little more to say about it. Like, it’s so much just a porn movie that I found myself considering whether I would even count it as a movie and write about it here. But it has to be said, it’s got something of a story (albeit it most of it rushed through in the last 15 minutes), it’s better shot than most porn I’ve seen, and it has a slight bit of tongue in cheek. Some of the exercise equipment stuff is just inspired.

I just really dug the simplicity and innocence (for want of a better word) of it all. Like Slumber Party Massacre without the massacre or something. It’s probably very exploitative and caters to highly prurient interests (at one point one of the girls dresses in the clothes of her teddy bear, clothes she got when she was 12) ... but I guess I just wanna say, “whatever” to that lol. I found it simple, sexy, and hilarious. Almost instantly a cheesy fave of mine.