Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End
rofl apologies for the title typo that has been live all day blush...
Tries to resist making a shamelessly easy gag on the “Nobody move, dropped me brain!” line, like … was that a screenwriter cameo or just a knowing nod to how the audience might feel at that stage? ... Okay here goes. The shortest, fairest review of this piece of crap I can manage would be: 30 minutes before Johnny even enters … what … thef*ck … were they thinking?
It should be known to anyone who reads my reviews by now that I was done with this series somewhere midway through Dead Man’s Chest – ie, the point at which that movie should’ve been rolling end credits. But I honestly came to the third part with as much good faith – okay, until I saw the running time – as I did that installment.
I just have one question. Who convinced these guys they had another Lord of the Rings on their hands? Yes – the original movie was vastly superior to anything anyone could’ve expected from a theme park ride adaptation. It’s one of the most recent movies I honestly feel comfortable calling a modern classic. But it’s still a theme park ride adaptation. It’s Pirates of the Caribbean. When did it become necessary to stretch one third of this franchise out to the 3 hour mark? When did that even become an option? Why did the screenwriters not hit, like, page 120, and not start thinking, “hmm, y’know what? this is getting a little long …”?! These are guys who used to write 80-minute Disney features! What happened to the story department? This story is simply not that huge.
It amazes me how far some people seem willing to forgive the whole overlong thing when it comes to movies these days. The dumbest movies are now stretched past 90 minutes, and sure, most people acknowledge the fact, but it amazes me how it’s usually a case of, “Sure, it’s overlong, but [positive, positive, positive]” ... when, personally, I can’t think of a worse killjoy in a movie than one that simply outstays its welcome … good or bad, doesn’t matter. If it’s too f*cking long, I’m just not remotely forgiving.
Then there’s the convoluted storyline, and another show of this ridiculously overinflated sense of self-importance I found reminiscent of Saw III. I don’t even want to think of the number of people who were clearly so up on the comings and goings of this increasingly more soaplike plotline that they just went with this final installment without once thinking, “STOP.” Again, it really shouldn’t be that kind of movie. We should not as an audience be expected to have been sitting around between installments worrying and fretting about these playground characters. Heavy emotional stuff has its place, god knows I’m a junkie when it comes to it. But not here. It’s just more time wasted for me.
Believe me … I hate that I’ve become such a freakin’ Kermode when it comes to this series, I didn’t expect I’d be ranting so much this time around but I guess I didn’t quite get it all out on part 2. Anyway, needless to say, and before I get myself started again – I won’t be going near either of these sequels again … I only hope the Johnny overdose hasn’t tainted my appreciation of the original on the many future viewings I had planned.
Mr. Verbinski, please: another The Mexican or The Weather Man after this, for the love of God. I’ve still got faith in you even though my faith in this show vanished 4 hours ago.
October 17th, 2007 at 11:15 am
you are so wrong the first pirates was based on the ride the second two where not and if thay are that bad pirates 2 made a billion and is 4 in the world 3 is 5 in the world charts and up to now has made 2.6 billion and 3 was the best