Jesus. Wept. I’ve been pretty nice to the Scary Movies so I felt bad when I found myself 20 minutes into this actually clutching my own jaw in embarrassment for the artists involved. So it was with great relief I discovered this has little to do with those spoofs except in naming convention (edit: okay I looked again and obviously I was blind the first time round – the same writers are involved – whatever). My defense of those movies – basically, “what do you expect?” – to be fair actually pretty much stands here as well. But in the end, just, dear God, no thank you. This is laziness of the lowest and most deplorable form and it bears repeating just how cringe-worthily embarrassing it is to watch. It doesn’t deserve this many words. And yet, I can’t help but urge people to see it, because that’s the only way to comprehend its … UGHness. When you feel you have to have a character actually mumble, “It’s stuck!” when 1) it’s frickin’ obvious her tongue is stuck to the post in Gnarnia (“For legal reasons” – actual line) and 2) we knew it was gonna be stuck to the post about 10 minutes previously – let’s face it, it’s time to find a new career path. Make no mistake – this movie is f*cking terrible. Yes – even worse than Timothy Hines’ War of the Worlds.

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