I couldn’t have disagreed more with Mark Kermode (and it seems just about everyone else) on Hostel: Part II (and believe me, I fully expected to be thoroughly meh about it), so I really wanted to give this one, which he wholeheartedly tore apart at the seams, a good chance to work its merry way upon my nerves. But no … in this case Kermode pretty much nailed it.

There have been movies made as pointless as this one, but they’re fairly few in number. Apparently this film shares something in common with The Exorcist III which I watched earlier – the studio tinkered with it a lot, upping the gore factor etc for the new post-Hostel-etc market. Unlike in the case of The Exorcist III, however, I have no clue which parts are reshot and which parts were parts of Roland Joffé‘s original vision. What matters is, I can’t see even a hint of a half-good movie here – nothing to suggest that a director’s cut would add the slightest plus point. This movie is just one thing after another, and to quote Wednesday Addams (I know, I do it a lot, but it’s a good quote) – “Your work is puerile and underdramatised. It lacks any sense of structure, character, or the Aristotelian unities.” They even have the gumption to give Elisha Cuthbert (undoing in these 90 minutes just about all the good work by actresses like Jodie Foster, Rachel McAdams and Julianne Moore) the line early on, when a fellow male captive suggests their kidnapper might not be a man, “No, women don’t do things like this …” like as if they’re even trying to give concern to such an artistically fruitful can of worms. This, however, is nowhere near as bad as giving one of the villains the line, “Doesn’t it ever get … predictable?” I’ll end by saying, for all my agreement with Mr. Kermode in this case, I certainly won’t give the same advice as him that you need to see it to know how bad it is … I just say, skip it entirely. You’re not missing a thing. I mean, even after reshoots … it’s not even gory.

Update: It seems I may have actually seen Roland Joffé‘s original version, ie, the version without the studio-added gore, because I’m naughty. Most of the above still stands though. Of the two versions, I’m sure this one would have the best chance with me, and even here, there’s just nothing to recommend.

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