Mmm. Of course, I’d heard about this one … about Uwe Boll … The first thing you notice here is, wow, what a cast! Michael Madsen, Billy Zane (complete with Fisher Price hair), Michelle Rodriguez, Meat Loaf, even Ben Kingsley. Who knows how that happened, for while Boll’s knack for directing beggars belief, the script is even worse. There is, on the other hand, some alternately impressive and hilarious gore.

To be honest, I couldn’t even begin to tell you what this movie was about, and I really don’t care to try; since my experience seems to tally with the majority of others’, I’ll dwell no more upon it. Unfortunately, Jodelle Ferland is in the sequel so I’ll have to watch it. Literally, this felt like having my brain scooped out for 90 minutes. It’s almost an extraordinary sensation thinking back on the movie, it’s like time went missing. It really scrapes out of the WTF rating for the shear surreality of that. Maybe I should have a WTFH? rating lol (what the f**k happened?)